January 26, 2022
MY CORNER by Boyd
Cathey
Good night, America (a satire)
MY CORNER by Boyd Cathey
Good night, America (a satire)
Friends,
A number of years ago I
started working on a satire about American immigration policies and the fact
that this nation is headed—hurtling, is the proper word—towards disaster in the
not too distant future because of its policies. My concern has only been
heightened by the first year of the Biden presidency and its catastrophic actions
(or lack of action) on our southern border. So, I have dusted off this piece
and reworked it. I label it a satire, but as one good friend related to me
after reading the draft, “it careens far too close to the truth!” In any case, I pass it on now as revised.
INTRODUCTION:
The year is 2044 and it is October. It
is presidential election time in the United States, and
the top ranked American television show “Viva USA!” has both major presidential
candidates in for a televised sit-down interview. Host of the popular program,
Roberto “Bob” Gonzalez, interviews the candidates of the Democratic Party (now
officially known as the Partido Democrático), currently-sitting Vice-President
Jose Morales of California, and of the Republican Party, former Governor Wilbur
Smith of Oklahoma. As we tune in, the program, estimated to be viewed weekly by
over 100 million viewers, is just beginning:
Interviewer Bob Gonzalez: During this election for the presidency of
the United States — excuse me, “los Estados Unidos” — no
one can deny the strong interest by American voters. We are all anxious to hear
explanations of the programs of each candidate and the strategies each
candidate is using to win the upcoming election.
As you know, the contest is between
Republican Wilbur Smith, a former governor of Oklahoma, who was recently turned
out of office, defeated by young Latina Elena Gutierrez, and United States
Vice-President Jose Morales, of California, of the Partido Democrático. The
respective campaigns are spending millions of dollars to get their messages
out, and in fact, most of the funds that they spend they borrow from sources in
Mexico. I know our faithful viewers wonder how each candidate proposes to lead
the USA out of poverty back to prosperity. You need not wonder anymore because
tonight I have Governor Smith and Vice-President Morales with me right here in
the studio. Please welcome Governor Wilbur Smith and Vice-President Jose Morales.
[applause from the audience]
Gov. Smith: Hello Bob, or should I be politically
correct, and say ‘Roberto’?
Audience: Boo! Boo! [the studio audience is overwhelmingly Latino]
Bob: Well, the law DOES specify that any
official election speech should be bilingual, in both Español and English, but
we can do this in English since we have special permission from the federal
Department of Language Standards and Governor Smith does not really know the
Spanish language very well [he
snickers].
Audience: Boo!
Vice-President Morales: Hola! Amigos and apoyantes!
Audience: Viva! Viva Jose Morales! Abajo los Yanquis!
Bob: Thank you for spending your valuable
campaign time with us on “Viva USA!” tonight, Governor Smith and Vice-President
Morales. I would like to start with Governor Smith first, if that’s okay with
you Vice-President Morales.
Vice-President Morales: Oh, si! Si! Yes, yes.
Bob: Governor Smith, you have mentioned that you
will bring back our American soldiers from Sri Lanka after the American
government has failed to do so since 2028. Could you explain?
Gov. Smith: That is correct, Bob, uh, Roberto. Public
opinion is overwhelmingly in favor of that. I mean we have seen over 100,000
dead in that conflict since 2026, and it’s no closer to an end. And, of course,
I recognize now that because our armed forces are 65 percent
Hispanic — I mean, Latino — that the war has become a
racist venture, so I agree with Mr. Morales that we should finally withdraw.
Besides, I believe that it will improve our economy, as well, because we will
not have to spend billions of budget dollars on these expenses overseas
anymore.
Bob: That seems to be a really great idea. I
wonder how you can be sure that it will not be like the election year 2020 when
bringing back our soldiers from Afghanistan was promised by then President Joe
Biden, but the withdrawal turned out to be a total disaster, and then later
several presidents sent troops to South Sudan, then Iran, then Saudi Arabia, then
Sri Lanka, and elsewhere.
Gov. Smith: I can promise you that I will never do
that.
Bob: But how? How would you bring back our
soldiers? Right now our country has a national debt of $100 trillion, five
times more than it was 14 years ago, in 2030. We have borrowed money from
many countries around the world, but seen our credit rating reduced to a D
minus, so that only countries like Mexico, Haiti, Zimbabwe, and Honduras even
dare lend us money, and then, only at exorbitant rates of up to 300 percent. Even
to finance your campaign you had to borrow money from officially registered
Mexican drug cartels.
Gov. Smith: Well, yes, since Mexico now has most of the
resources that the United States used to have, I have no
alternative — I will borrow some more from Mexican drug cartels for
our soldiers so they can be with their families.
Bob:
Why don’t you borrow
from China?
Gov. Smith: Roberto, we borrowed an awful lot from
China a few years ago, but we were never able to pay them back. Now the
portions of America not owned by Mexican syndicates, the Chinese own, about 60%
of our industry and business companies. They won’t lend to us another dime.
Bob: Well, why do you think Mexico has so much
money right now?
Vice-President Morales: Oh! Oh! I can answer that question. Mexico,
of course, has enough money to lend the United States. Mexico was poor years
ago, but now is one of the wealthiest countries in the world now. Why? Because
we had millions of undocumented immigrants who crossed the border and worked in
the U.S. sin
papeles — you know, without papers — when the
U.S. was still wealthy.
According to your racist laws we were
called “illegals.” We did not pay taxes, not even one penny. During the
economic crisis in 2023-2025, millions of your Anglos were unemployed.
Some were displaced by my people who took their jobs at lower pay, but other
Anglos had too much pride to work as a clerk at Walmart or sales person at
Target because they believed that since they had a degree from a university,
they should be working in something better. So they went on generous government
assistance. Mi
pueblo — my
people — did not care. We worked. We got money, and we sent it back
to Mexico. That’s one way we got rich. And more, many norteamericano industries also went south, due to NAFTA. [big smile on Gonzalez's face]
Audience: Viva! Viva Jose Morales!
Bob: Uh, hmm…
Gov. Smith: Mr. Morales, may I ask you a
question — you know, preguntar, I think that’s the
word — according to my evidence, I do not believe that you are ready
to be the president of the United States of America. I do not think you are
even an American citizen. I think you are an illegal immigrant.
Vice-President Morales: Governor Smith, I am offended by your
ignorance and your use of those words! You do know that there is a law against “hate
speech” and using the words “illegal immigrants” is hate speech? And, besides,
you are wrong. I WAS an undocumented immigrant back in 2016. I came here
against your racist laws when I was younger. I started working as a laborer,
and then I went to college.
Gov. Smith: Hold on. How did a college accept you if
you were illegal — I mean, undocumented?
Vice-President Morales: Colleges knew that it was racist to deny my
people an education just because they weren’t American citizens. And, besides,
the government gave money for schooling for mi pueblo. The colleges looked the other way, didn’t
ask any questions. I mean they all were very open and very liberal about it. They
adopted Critical Race theory. I even earned a Ph.D. from the University of
California without the normal documents.
Fortunately for me, the United States
government provided undocumented immigrants with work permits, so we could
work, as I might call it, “illegally legal” in the USA. I collected government
money and went to school under President Obama’s and then President Joe Biden’s
executive orders. And most of your Anglo population just didn’t care as long as
they could watch those TV programs like “Desperate Housewives” or “The
Bachelorette,” or they could watch the NBA, and their children weren’t picked
up for drugs, child support, or something like that.
Gov. Smith: Hold on. I am not familiar with that work
permit thing. When was that? And what do you mean “illegally legal”?
Vice-President Morales: President Obama’s first executive order
enabling us to work was in 2012, and there were others by President Jose Biden
and then President Kamala Harris that came after that. “Illegally legal” means
you were allowed to work legally even though you were undocumented. Of course,
I’m not using these words in the current sense, against the law, but only in
the historical sense, you know.
Gov. Jones: That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Vice-President Gonzalez: Ho! The U.S. government has never done
anything that makes sense anyway. How come you never heard of the U.S.
government providing work permits for millions of young undocumented immigrants
back in 2012, 2023, and 2027? What were you doing back then?
Gov. Jones: Well…like you, I was in university. I
majored in table tennis, and was on a table tennis scholarship. Thus, I have a
broad background in American studies. I mean like most American youth I was
deeply into traditional American culture, an avid follower of Justin Bieber and
Lady Gaga. I usually watched educational television programs like “Survivor,” “Dancing
with the Stars,” “American Idol,” and all the other important cultural programs
when I had free time from my studies in table tennis. Back then I didn’t care
for politics or history much, as long as I had my iPhone, Twitter, and
Facebook. You see, I got a solid education and a good preparation for serving
the nation.
Vice-President Gonzalez: And you are running for the presidency?
Gov. Jones: Yes.
Vice-President Gonzalez: It seems to me most Americans at that time,
including you, Governor Jones, were brainwashed by the media. Meanwhile, we
undocumented immigrants came to the USA to work for you and have a better life.
And we got strong support from your Anglo leadership, big tech and big business,
and the Chamber of Commerce. Your elites were on our side. They actually helped
us gain the positions of dominance we now have.
Gov. Jones: Mr. Gonzalez, on another point, for many years
millions of illegal — I mean, undocumented — immigrants have
received free medical treatment for everything from mild to severe conditions
and most of the time in emergency rooms at state expense. It cost taxpaying
citizens millions and millions of dollars, and this has only gotten worse in
recent years under Advanced Obamacare. I think this is the reason our health
system just broke down and totally collapsed in 2025.
What is interesting is that so much of the
drug and alcohol abuse we continue to see is because of the Latino population.
The percentage of drug and alcohol abuse in the Latino community is nearly 50
percent. I do not understand how abusing alcohol, cocaine, and other illegal
drugs can make your life better.
Vice-President Gonzalez: I would not call those “illegal drugs,” Governor
Jones. I would call them “undocumented drugs.”
Gov. Jones: I don’t think you can just interchange the
words “illegal” and “undocumented” in this situation.
Vice-President Gonzalez: That’s your opinion. But, please, let me
continue my story. I worked a while after I received my work permit. And then,
along with thousands of mi pueblo we formed a large political pressure group
to demand the right to be citizens since we had been in Norteamerica — the USA — since we were young.
And one of the happiest days in my life was when the Congress overwhelmingly
adopted that law. Even most Republicans accepted the inevitable.
I really appreciate the leadership of
Anglos like Mitch McConnell, Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and others, even though they did not
realize that by supporting such measures they were writing the end of Anglo
dominance north of the Rio Grande! [loud
applause from the audience, with cheers of "Viva!"] My heart bleeds red, white, and blue, and I
love your flag with its 57 stars. Every time I hear the United States national
anthem, I feel the love that I have for this country.
Gov. Jones: Well, tell me, can you sing the national anthem?
Vice-President Gonzalez: I said “Every time I hear,” not “Every time I sing….”
Gov. Jones: I did not ask you what you hear. I asked
you if you can sing the American
national anthem.
Vice-President Gonzalez: Yes!
Gov. Jones: Sing it, then!
Vice-President Gonzalez: “Mexicanos, al grito de la guerra.…”
[“Mexicans, at the cry of war …”]
Gov. Jones: Hold on. I believe that what you sang was
the Mexican national anthem or maybe the anthem of AZTLAN or something. It
wasn’t our national anthem, I know that much.
Vice-President Gonzalez: Can you sing it?
Gov. Jones: Of course I can. Godddd Blesssss America….
Vice-President Gonzalez: That’s not the US national anthem either.
Bob: Are both of you saying that you’re running
for the president of the USA, but you can’t even sing the U.S. national anthem
or know its words?
Gov. Jones: Uh, well, you see ….
Vice-President Gonzalez:
Who cares about the Norteamericano national anthem, anyway? Americans don’t
even know how to sing their national anthem. When they are supposed to sing at
sports events all they do is chant “USA! USA! USA!”
Bob: Well ….
Vice-President Gonzalez: I have not finished what I was trying to
say. Stop interrupting me. Well, after the movement for U.S. citizenship, the
president at that time in 2023, President Joe Biden, wanted to earn votes from
us in the next election. Therefore, he managed to get through Congress
immediate citizenship for millions of us undocumented immigrants. That’s how I
became a citizen of the United States. And in addition, he engineered doing
away with that birthright rule for becoming president. The Partido Democrático
of California chose me to run for the United States Senate in 2028. In 2032
President Debbie Wasserman-Schultz chose me to be her running mate as the
vice-presidential nominee to gain support from Mexican-Americans. And they got
what they wished for. We won the election, and I became the vice president.
Gov. Jones: I don’t believe that you have the ability
to be president anyway, Mr. Gonzalez. What do you know about our Constitution
and our history?
Audience: Boo! Abajo the Constitution!
Vice-President Gonzalez: Well, gracias a Dios! That old racist Anglo
history you talk about has been erased from our college and high school text
books! Who wants to talk about Jorge Washington or Juan Adams — I mean,
we now talk about Alexandra Ocasio-Cortes and the repopulation of the western
states with Latinos! We have a new history in los Estados Unidos — in the United States! Just think about
recent history, Governor Jones.
After Presidents Biden and Kamala Harris, with
support from Lindsey Graham, secured citizenship for us, we were able to bring
over all our families and our friends, millions of new citizens. We even sent
plane and bus tickets to our families. They came to the USA easily without
having to clandestinely cross the border or walk through hot deserts. After
that, we just had to file simple papers to get citizenship for our family
members. Yeah, some right wing Americans who could not stand what was happening
fled the USA to live somewhere else, but they had done nothing to stop us,
either. And we were able to basically occupy the USA.
Of course, I admit that there were a few
minor undesirable consequences. I mean some of mi pueblo also spread some viruses and diseases that
you Anglos thought had been eradicated years earlier. And, then, more
importantly, there was a vast cultural change. But just think how much better
things are now? After all, we are like all the other “third world countries” — we are all equal. Isn’t that
what both political parties wanted?
Bob: Well, let’s see ….
Gov. Jones: Can I say something?
Vice-President Gonzalez: And if you look at population statistics,
you will learn that our Latino population has increased rapidly and
continuously each year since 2012, while the Anglo population has
decreased — no ninos, no Anglo children. Do you know the percentage of Latinos in
the total United States population today?
Gov. Jones: No… No, not right off.
Vice-President Gonzalez: Sixty-five percent.
Gov. Jones: What!? (visibly
shaken)
Vice-President Gonzalez: There is no doubt. I, Jose Gonzalez, will
be the 48th president of the United States!
Audiences: Viva! Viva el presidente Gonzalez!
Bob: So, Vice-President Gonzalez, what will be
your first priority if you win the election?
Vice-President Gonzalez: As you can see, 65 percent of American
citizens are Latinos. Half of us are bilingual. The rest cannot speak English
at all. I appreciate the U.S. government providing paid interpreters for them.
But we need to cut our multi-trillion-dollar budget, and I believe it is a
waste of government funds to pay for interpreters. Therefore, I will change the
primary language in the USA to Spanish. After that, whoever cannot speak
Spanish or learn it within one year will be deported.
Gov. Jones: Oh, let me say something, please ….
Bob: Well, sorry, our program time is up now.
A lone voice, shouting in English, from the
audience: How did we get to this point?
Bob: Good night, America.
